I was sitting alone at my computer, feeling rather lost and alone. My Dominant got home from work around 9:00, gave me a huge hug and a smile and asked what i wanted to do that evening. in a half joking way, i said "Wax, i want to be waxed."©copyright crave 1997I was uncollared exactly 1 week ago Friday and until that moment, play was about the last thing on my mind. However, wax suddenly sounded just lovely. To my surprise, She eagerly agreed and asked, not ordered, asked, me to set up the bedroom how i'd like it to be. i asked Her to please pick the music She wants, since that is much more important to Her than to me.
I lit four candles in deep rose colored holders that allow the wax to pool, one candle for every year we have been together. Two of the candles were unscented, one was lilac scented, the other vanilla. (Yes, i know all about the dangers of playing with scented candles, but these were tested and safe). i also laid out a couple candle sticks for fun drips and little splatters.
With the warm candle light flickering over the walls, She put on the CD Delirium, Stone Tower.. i quietly undressed, breathing in the scent of the candles, and getting myself centered, as She uncoiled the rope. With a smile, She gestured for me to lay face up on the bed and She tied my arms to eitHer side of the headboard. The rope sliding against my skin, the scent of the candles, the deep throbbing of the music, settled what last reservations i had, and i gratefully sank deeper into stillness. She tied my left leg to the footboard, but left my right leg free since i had just recently had knee surgery on that knee.
Once i was tied, She lay full length on top of me and firmly pressed Her pelvis into mine. "Is this what you want?" She asked. "Or is this what you need?" "Both" i started to say, but my breath was choked off as Her teeth bit into my neck. i moaned beneath Her and gave into the sensation. Her lips met mine and Her desire increased my need.
Her weight moving off of me startled me and i half whimpered in protest, but Her offering me a ball gag silenced me. i eagerly opened my mouth and accepted Her tightening the gag around my head.
I was relieved to have the gag, when a few minutes later, tiny hot wax drops rained on my chest like angry hornets. Not having my right leg tied down made it very difficult for me to lay still and i squirmed, not sure if i was trying to avoid the drops or position myself wHere i wanted the wax to fall. Over and over the wax fell on my breasts and nipples. till i was covered in white and my nipples were only little mounds of wax. Then She picked off the wax cones, and dripped more onto increasingly sensitive skin.
A rush of hot liquid poured on my thighs and mons and my eyes flew open with surprise. The wax dripped and swirled down between my thighs, then another splash hit my breasts and trickled down my sides. The scent of lilac hit me, before the next puddle of wax landed on my thighs followed quickly by the vanilla, splattering on my stomach. i screamed beneath the gag and my body arched of its own accord of the bed.
When my quivering slowed and my breathing returned to normal, She started to scrape the wax off of my body with the back of Her knife. i looked directly into Her eyes and She traced the point of the knife across my chest. "Please, please, please" i was thinking to myself. "Please cut me." As if hearing my thoughts, She asked if i wanted to bleed. i quickly nodded my head and She opened the drawer next to the bed and brought out the betadine and alcohol swabs. She carefully cleaned a spot just above my left nipple, cleaned Her knife and then placed the blade directly against my skin.
As the warmth of the blood trickled down my breast, i breathed out against the pain. The sharpness of the sensation both brought me vividly to the present, yet also served to drag me deeper into stillness. Three horizontal lines She cut into my breast, one for each year of service to Her. She painted my forehead, cheek bones and lips with my blood, then gently licked the blood off of my lips.
I lay there, quietly gleeful, feeling free, feeling loved, feeling at peace.
After covering the cuts with a sterile gauze, She picked up the lilac and vanilla candles, blew them out, then poured the pooled wax from both candles onto my body. The mingling scents of the vanilla and lilac, the heat of the wax splashing onto my chest and stomach, plus the collective energy between us, burst the emotional dam and tears flooded down my cheeks. Tears for what we had, tears for where we have been, tears for the uncertainty of the future, tears for the anger and resentment, tears for being fortunate for the privilege of being with someone so wonderful.
She let me cry, held me, Her nakedness next to mine, Her tears dripping off of Her cheeks and onto mine. We kissed away the hurt, eased the frustration, taking our anger at ourselves, at each other, at the situation, and wiping it away with Her fingertips. As our tears slowed, those same fingertips, slowly worked their way down between my thighs, to ease the ache that had built up there.
I may not be an owned submissive anymore, but i will forever, cherish Her, desire Her and honor Her. This scene, was so different from our previous scenes, in ways that i cannot fully verbalize. My one leg being free from bondage, was to me, a symbol of that difference. i am not fully bound to Her anymore. The mingling of the lilac candle and the vanilla candle, symbolizing the different aspects of our relationship. The CD She chose, being one that we did our first heavy pain scene too. The timing of the scene is also significant, i met Her in early September of 1993, i was collared by Her in September of 1994. i was uncollared by Her this September. i love Her, i will never stop loving Her. Our relationship is changing, has changed and my hope is that no matter where we are meant to go, we can continue to have some sort of connection.
Change in painful and emotionally devistating. But i'm finding that the more struggles i encounter, the more joys i experience.