Definitions :BDSM = Bondage and Domination (B&D), Dominance and submission (D/s), Sadism and Masochism (S/m)
Bondage and Domination involves one person physically restraining another person in a way that the other person either cannot move, or can move only with great difficulty. The person may also have their senses impaired through the use of blindfolds, gags, gloves and earplugs. Bondage can be very comfortable and relaxing (think of a swaddled baby) or painful, depending on what the participants desire. Bondage can be done for it's own sake, or used during D/s or S/m scenes.
Dominance and submission, usually involves some sort of role play where one person has control (physical or mental) over the other. The Dominant may have the submissive do degrading tasks (lick the soles of the Dominants shoes), perform household chores, wear clothing that they usually don't wear (men wearing women's clothing), or basically anything that the Dominant desires. The submissive serves the Dominant completely and their only purpose is to please the Dominant. For submissives, pleasure is obtained by achieving the Dominants pleasure and the Dominant may choose to reward the submissive sexually.
Sadism and masochism is the most misunderstood form of sexual play. The Sadist flogs, beats, restrains, whips and inflicts other forms of pain on a willing masochist. Yes, pain hurts. However, like a runners high, the body's natural endorphins soon kick in and an joyous, floating high is soon obtained. Who hasn't bit their partner during sex, or playfully scratched fingernails down their back. The extra burst of sensation during sex is quite similar to the feeling one gets while participating as a masochist in an S/m scene. The entire body is a sex organ, why just limit sexuality to the genitals? The Sadist gets pleasure from their own physical exertion (it's quite a work-out!) and from watching the masochists pleasure. Sometimes after a scene, both (or all) participants may engage in genital sex.
A Dominant can also be referred to as a Top, Mistress/Master, Lady/Lord, Sir/Ms.
A submissive can also be referred to as a bottom, slave, slut or whatever the Top feels like calling them.
A Switch is someone who enjoys being Dominant as well as a bottom, though usually not both at once in the same scene.
People who engage in BDSM are heterosexual, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, transsexual, monogamous, polygamous, married, single, men and women from the age of consent till the day they die.
Is BDSM dangerous? Yes.
Can you die doing it? Yes
Is having vanilla (non-BDSM) sex dangerous? Yes
Can you die doing it? Yes
However, unlike vanilla sex, there are numerous BDSM organizations around the world who offer workshops, meetings, and parties to teach you how to engage safely and consensually in BDSM with willing, happy partners.
Just as there are many different types of people who enjoy BDSM, there are many different variations of BDSM. Some people just like to have casual partners to engage in BDSM with. They may meet once or twice to talk about what they'd like to do together, have the scene and never talk again, or arrange for future casual scenes.
Some people have a love, partnership (marriage) with one person and they engage in BDSM when they both feel like it. BDSM is only a part of their relationship.
Some people have a 24/7 BDSM relationship, meaning that they act out their BDSM roles 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The submissive, is _always_ subservient to the Dominants wishes and the Dominant _always_ makes all the decisions in the relationship.
Obviously, talking and negotiating ones wants and desires with the other scene partner (partners) is extremely important. If you just want a casual scene, but your Dominant wants a lifetime commitment from you, it's going to be a messy situation.
Before ANY BDSM activity takes place, _talk_ with your scene partner (partners) and find out what they like and don't like. Don't assume anything, especially if you are going to be a submissive in a scene.
Play Safe and Have fun!